REMEMBERING DAD

I’m sorry if this is a bit long, brevity is not my middle name. My middle name is heather, by the way. My dad gave it to me.  Jen got us these heart necklaces that are also tiny urns with my dad’s ashes in them. And knowing Jens’ track record with her keys, and wallet, […]

Underwater

I press the red button and disconnect the call. I feel disconnected, as far away from myself as the 2400 miles away I actually am from the person on the other end of the line.  My sister? Was that my sister who just called to tell me our Father has cancer?  I grasp at land. […]

BEFORE

I want the time before. I want lips, saying nothing and then everything as they cover my body with droplets and light every inch of my skin on fire. Before they said I can’t and I won’t and let’s stay feet and miles and months apart. I want four eyes holding an infinite gaze into […]

Run.

Lace up. Step out. Run. Into the night and the pouring rain that wash over you like a tidal wave of painkillers for the hurt stories in your head. Broken too much not enough it’s over you lose. Breathe. Step. Breathe. Step. Breathe. Step. Run. Away from the running away that led you here, the […]

JENNY

  I’m 18 and sitting on the floor of what I like to call the “loneliest aisle” in the women’s shoe department, the section reserved for women like me with size 11 and above “boats” attached to their ankles, masquerading as feet. At least that was what an ex used to playfully call mine, which […]

CORE STUFF

I cried during yoga today. I know this is a thing that happens, I hear people share about it all the time. But I’m not one of “those” people. I go to yoga twice a week. I’m not good at the practice, I never have been. I’m 6 feet tall with size 11 feet. Bending […]

ELEVEN

LETTER TO MY 11-YEARS-AGO-SELF Jackie, I know you are scared and unsure and kind of hung-over from last night. I know you want to turn around and run back home to the elusive security you search for at the bottom of every bottle. I know your fears are so many they could fill up the […]

GIANT

There once was a little girl who lived in a forest with great word spinning giants. In case you didn’t know, there are many different species of fairy tale giants, and word spinning ones happen to be the rarest and most talented of the bunch. Instead of spending their days smelling the blood of englishmuns […]

Sick In The City

When I first moved to New York City from Southern California, months went by before it occurred to me that I hadn’t even hugged another human in days…63 to be exact. No matter, I thought as I turned up Jay-Z’s “Empire State Of Mind” a little louder in my headphones and walked a little faster […]

unbelievable

Standing next to me in the courtroom, my rapist didn’t look like a rapist at all. It wasn’t just his black dress shirt and tie, or his perfectly creased pants and shiny shoes. It was the warm smile he wore when he walked in and cheerfully greeted everyone in the room that almost completely camouflaged […]